NewNew Time

it was like a soap opera...like a dream, a bubble dream...now its time to wake up...

i should not let myself into this, i'd never handled it cool...

its pain...im waiting time to help me healing it.

God bless me next time get more love...

2011 has the hell of year.

ok then, here we see...

2011, mostly is good year to me.

1.i went to Spain, that's a big thing, one of my dream is acheived!

2.my very first album. it's pretty, i like how i look in this album.

3.my parents are healthy, and my cat is lovely, healthy as always.

4.no matter what, my work has been recognized by my bosses.

5. M. the timing was perfect, the way we met, the way we have been working things out...kinda dramatic....lol, now its getting better and better. 

6. D, firstly i through my package to him, and now we are having each other in a even better way. 

Above all, things i had done this year, im totally satisfied. im happy with what i achieved in 2011. of course, i had to thank my best family's fully supports and they allowed me to get things done in my way. 

2011 did me bad too. i made tough decisions, fight against myself...u know, its couldnt be worse. though some problems remain, just this year im tired, i’ll leave it to next year.

anywho, Sally, u did amazing job this year, keep working hard then!!

to M, im happy to have u!

2012 plz be good to me, thank you!

im not showing off here, just wanna feel better!!!(i hide some parts of our chatting history which was personal)

no matter what, its still feel good to have someone say' i love u' when u are feeling down

14:56:33
David
Sally
dont settle for just any guy
14:56:39
David
Sally
you are so beautiful and fun
14:56:43
David
Sally
you deserve the best
14:59:34
Sally
David
hahahaha

15:01:52
David
Sally
I love you soooo much you wouldnt believe
15:01:56
David
Sally
and I miss you terribly
15:02:11
David
Sally
I am so happy when you choose to talk to me online, and share these things
15:02:15
David
Sally
and ask my advice
15:02:36
Sally
David
its my luck to have u
15:02:55
Sally
David
u always say postive things to me
15:03:18
Sally
David
so patient
15:03:38
David
Sally
i meant what I wrote, love
15:03:54
Sally
David
and make me feel good about myself
15:04:00
Sally
David
and happy
15:04:12
Sally
David
thank you so much!
15:04:27
Sally
David
i know ive got flaws
15:04:52
David
Sally
we all do babe
15:08:29
David
Sally
gotta run
15:08:33
Sally
David
ok~
15:08:38
David
Sally
big kiss and hug for you
15:08:39
Sally
David
good luck~
15:08:40
David
Sally
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
15:08:55
David
Sally
thnaks - I have some important meetings today ;)
15:08:57
David
Sally
bye
15:09:11
Sally
David
rock the meeting, babe~
15:09:17
Sally
David
bye~XXX
15:09:22
David
Sally
I LOVE YOU
15:09:24
David
Sally
xxx

最终会怎么样，其实我也不知道。

但是现在我很开心，很多过去自己看不开的事情，现在我总会多用一两秒，之后我就看开了。

我也会想想他，想想他的声音，想想他紧紧抱着我的样子，想想他的温柔。

渐渐觉得自己会很为他着想，想知道他睡好了没？有没有时间吃午饭？担心他晚餐是不是又一个人吃？

相信他，相信他说的话。靠着他的肩膀就会觉得很安全。

 

最近很多事情都go funny。我觉得我需要自我检讨及自我节制一下了。

我的脾气，最近你越来越不听话了，这也日子玩high了，那么接下来咱就好好back to normal，ok不？

我的胃口，前段日子苦了你，这些日子里该补的也都补回来了，所以今后为了sally的体型，咱们还是努努力，控制一下，好不啦？

我的酒量，最近感觉你是越来越不给力了。。。心情会影响，但是咱还是得挺住！

sally, i know u made a tough decision. yet on the bright side, u are becoming more mature. u know what u want from life. so as soon as u make a goal, just go for it, be fearless. dont let meaningless things or person step on ur way of persuing happniess and life u deserve, ok? cheerio!

id never intend to hurt anybody....

but here, im sorry to whom i had hurt.

i was selfish, all i concerned was just my own interests. i very am sorry...i know how it hurts. 

but im also lucky, u know, ive got my besties! had several special friends.

i used to had C, then i lost him...it was my fault...i shouldnt take it too personal, i was wrong, now im regret.

its too hard...way too much for me to handle.

yeah, after all...i flipped...

then i told d first. he was happy for me genuienly, encouraged me persuing what im longing for.  what can I say...at this very moment all I need is support… I know it wont go easy, I know what im going to face ...obstacles... hopefully his charm can make me feel its all worthy, and he could beat all of them, protect me from suffering. Let’s give some light for it, shall we?    

Anyway, right now most thing D likes do to me, is showing off how good his Spanish is...im not jealous...annoying a little bit though. If he rlly going to tell him that 'ella es un gran besador' , I think im going to kill him literally, lol. Pure evil.

but me and d, u know...

“It’s always happy to talk to you”

“I am always happy to talk to you”

some words came into me,

"Too often we dont realized what we have until its gone; Too often we're too stubborn to say'sorry, I was wrong; Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our hearts; and we let the most foolish thing tears us apart."

im feel bit scary...actually, i need more support. mainly from u, i think. or maybe we both afraid.

i need an answer. shall be breave this time?

Mark told me to be breave this time, but after he know that he is not in the country at the moment, Mark said i shall just give it up. 

he reminds me about dave. the way we met each other was quite simliar as how i met dave. though im pretty sure he is not D. He is more different....yet a gentleman! and his age reminds me D. i cant say it the most thing which captured me....

shall be brave this time? i think Mark was right about that he might not like young boy full of attention for chasing girls. he might concern about other things more...and or, he is just not into me....maybe i just think too much...i shall follow my feeling this time, at least 50% chance there. why am i so afraid this time? he is special...and makes me feel special...

唉~我现在的感情是如此的脆弱。。。敏感。。。

从那以后，无时无刻我想念的都是你。我不想给自己太多的期望。。。但是我确控制不住地想。

你有一点让我想起他。你们都是那样的人，可能他比你更活泼一点，更喜欢我weird的thoughts一点。。。或者也不是这样，毕竟我不了解你。

I heard that you're settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you,
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,

You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste.

 

sounds like us...right, love? though none of us settled down yet,  i do wish the best for u.

 

 

我最最心爱的球队。

Torres, i hope that u made the right choice for yourself. football for u its not only an entertainment, its career to u. As we all search the best for ourselves, why can't u? though it hurts a lot, i still wish u the best!

As for me, how much i love you to wear red, how much i appreciate ur contribution to Liverpool, how much i was enthusiastic to the games u played for Red!

too bad, i cant and wouldnt support Chelsea, but i will supoort u as i always do. 

so it kills me to see u againist Red on ground yeasterday....

过了好久好久我才放下，不过你在我心里还是很特别。我也很想念你！

David ˵ :

are you at work now? what time is it there?

Sally ˵ :

10 ： 33 am

yup, at work

where are u?

David ˵ :

its 21:33 here in Peru

Sally ˵ :

oh~

how's Peru?

do u like there?

David ˵ :

its great

yes

Sally ˵ :

is there warm now?

David ˵ :

i have 20 hours of spanish each week

its always summer - we are close to equator

Sally ˵ :

i see

sounds nice

how long have been there?

David ˵ :

4 weeks

Sally ˵ :

wow

so how;s ur spanish now ？

David ˵ :

its ok - it will be fluent in a few months

after 3 weeks full time classes i can speak well - its easy

how are you?

what is new in your life?

Sally ˵ :

im so jealous

i wish i could be student again

David ˵ :

enjouying beijing?

Sally ˵ :

not really

life here is harder than in kiev

David ˵ :

yes, could that be because you were a student there?

Sally ˵ :

it could be

well, my job is interesting

David ˵ :

good

id like a job

Sally ˵ :

enjoy ur vacation then

David ˵ :

thanks, love

Sally ˵ :

have u ever miss ur life back in kiev

David ˵ :

yes

i miss my friends

i miss you

Sally ˵ :

me too

David ˵ :

i miss my colelagues

networking parties

Sally ˵ :

yes

parties

i barely have party here

David ˵ :

 

nor me here

Sally ˵ :

really?

David ˵ :

ive not had time, dont know anytone

anyone

Sally ˵ :

oh...sorry

David ˵ :

i think my pc is about to crash

if it does, and i go offline, i hope to chat again with you soon

i love you

i am proud that you are making your way in a career, in one of the worlds greatest cities for comemrce

 

你总是在安慰我，激励我，我想以后一找到一个像你一样的人一直过下去。

It has been a while, I havent talked to D. But this time is quite different,  it was just like when we were just met.

He told me he will move to Peru in 3 and half weeks. Maybe I should check the time different, lol.

After all we had, this time I’d be honest to him and told him that I miss him, he is a good friend to me. I feel good that I can tell him what I really wanna, what I really feel now.

Also he is still caring about how’s life treats me. tons of questions, wanted to know if there any new guys appear …and tells me love me always even im mess….quoted his own words “you’ll be a wonderful mum and marry to a lucky guy”.

I know the thing between us went to funny somehow, god bless us, now it all came back to right place for good. We are agree with something, thought we are in different life, different personalities, we are blessed to have each, or we were. I believe that is destiny bring to us together. How we met? It is fantastic to have someone u can talk about anything with, and D was that one for me.

I forget to tell him that I miss my old life, mostly cuz of him. He gave me unforgettable memories. He helped me defined my life goal in some ways. Good ways with no doubts. I grew up so fast by his guide, meanwhile becoming more complicated person.

Love, thank u. Cuz I know u love me. u always be my side.

当他道歉的时候我快哭了。

我以为我失去了他，我很珍贵的他。

我不知道以后我们俩个会怎么样？我觉得还是当朋友更适合我们两个。尽管我还是感觉酸酸的，如果他和别人交往。但是，我明白我们走过了那条线，我们太近了。所以，我们的definition 就是朋友

好好的爱

就像夏天的阳光，秋天的落叶，冬天的飘雪，春天的雨水，那么自然而然的爱

不去计较彼此的付出，

不在乎别人眼光，

如果你爱我，你会让我知道

就像需要氧气一样的需要我

你知道我爱流泪

你会在我害怕的时候握住我的手

你知道我爱流泪

你会在我无助的时候守在我左右

你知道我爱流泪

你会在我悲伤的时候轻拂我头发

你知道我爱流泪

你会在我孤单的时候走到我面前

你知道我爱流泪

你让我爱上了你

现在你又离我而去

尽管你曾守候着我

尽管你曾拂去我的泪

尽管你曾带走我的孤单

尽管你曾如此的珍惜过我

尽管你知道我爱流泪

 

 

记得在高中的时候高唱着那句‘爱真的需要勇气’，却不知道里面的含义。而现在我越来越发觉这所有的一切都需要勇气，不光只是爱。

这两年自己变了不少。或许，现在的我真正长大了。在很多是是非非之间，我可以看清了。我选择了我该做的，选择了做对的一面。接受了我该面对的，我付出了，我心甘情愿 ，那份勇气。回头看看。。。我也做错了很多，或许也只有一直这样承认自己的错才能抵制这个世界给的诱惑。每每想起都是痛，但是我不后悔了，尽管我曾后悔过。。。我不确定以后我还是否会错，我还是否会有再爱的勇气。

那天做了一个很清晰的梦。梦里面的事情，那些自己明白却又不愿承认的事实。所以，为什么之前我要让自己这么累？just let it go....

it tooks me 6 month, now im done. it's not easy for me.

 

认识了有2个多月，大家一起玩的都挺好的。现在他们就离开了，我还真是有点小感伤，觉得他们把我带回了高中，那种感情虽然比不上，但是很近似，觉得自己也跟着变年轻了。觉得要是早几年认识他们就好了，或许我现在又是另外一个样子。觉得很累，这么多年。就要结束了，我也有点不懂要怎么样？工作的事情落实了，但是现在我突然发觉自己还没玩够。。。我还想再多要些时间。

one more thing, i wish i could get to know ZHY better, he seems a nice guy, and we have the same birthday.

i laughed loudly, i pretended that im okay, i thought i could make the last several months through...now i realized is was just a lie i created.

somehow i felt it wasnt too bad, there were all the same as before...all i need, but one has turned me down...ppl shouldnt be greedy which is sin...

one of my friend asked me one question, said why u are so attracted by vampire?i was kidding that maybe from some deep parts of my heart is dark...

JJ wants me wear more colorful clothes, well i still love all my black clothes and keep buying them. From the story i read about vampires says some of vampires couldnt control themselves for desiring human blood, special damaged ones. Then i found sometimes we, as human being, cannot help ourselves from dark desires, even we know that wasnt nice. well, that was another story. what i wanna say is, i thought i was ready for a fresh start and actually im not there yet. there are something still no change, which is distressing me! and i fear to leave all these behind...fracking paradoxical...annoying me so so much!!!!

i feel im away from the life i used to live in, i feel im away from whom i used to know...

因为回来之后闲得要命，上一周过得好烦躁。。。。

其实很多事情都不由我想，我还是顺其自然吧，心静自然凉。

他还是会关心我。。。我的心态也放平了。其实我们并没有失去彼此，只是用另一种方式来关怀对方。

我知道寒假里自己做了一下很不可思议的事情，迷惑过，但是决定做回我自己。太疯狂不是我的风格，哈哈。。。

gosh, im so helpless

'are u happy love?'

'im very happy'

'great, then i am happy'

 

 

i loved u...and we were had fun

so set me free, stop tearing up my heart, tearing me aparts, messing with my mind, i dont need ur love, i dont want ur love...

time to leave the whole thing behind... water it down!

我发现，还是在和他说话的时候我最开心。原来，我还是没能放下，尽管我一直在努力的说服自己，我一直在寻找各种各样的方法来转移自己的注意力。

一年前的今天，或许是这一切的一个开始。尽管在那天我也认识了Alex，不过最终还是他。

其实彼此都明白，不会再怎么样了。。。

we are not and would not be lover ...why i cant just it go? i was just pertending that i dont care, i laied to u and to myself....maybe i shouldnt speak to u for good.

我所期待，我所迷恋的。。。幸福

当我坐在家里的电脑前，我突然间发现了时间的痕迹。我发现了自己是幸福的。过去的一切一切，成就了现在的我。我是如此幸运的身边的人宠爱着，呵护着。我是这么的幸福

我也曾有贪婪的时候，我触摸到了别人的幸福。它，真实的在我的生活里留下了痕迹。我会有时想想他，会想念，会痛苦，但我仍会舒心的觉得这已成了过去。

happiness, is so hard to find. untill u find it, hang on tight , or u will lose it

well, this year's xmas eve and xmas were totally suck!! i meant it. i'd very hard days....

since we all made that day as a dot...which means everything will be start over.well, sometime i even miss the day... at golden gate.

3 months were a kind of torment for me, i just dont get it why this year i had such unsure and insecure feeling...perhaps i didnt rest well enough from summer. u know, it is fatigue indeed, well, is more like some kind of feeling what it is to be weary in spirit.

i remember before i had a conversation with d about 'trust'. or maybe it was an auguring...i didnt recall what's the conclusion though...lmao...but we found that in nowadays it's hard to believe someone, and we cant do anything with that, all we could to is to believe them until they hurt ourselves... sad, it is...its all about lie and betray,ppl do everything only for their own good, u can deny that, cant u? because everyday what u do, it for the same reason. it is cruel...yes, this is how life is , this is what we face every single day...ididnt mean im a negative person, i have my bright side, just the circumstances which just couldnt give u a break. do u feel this in the same way as i do? maybe sometimes, right? i miss the time i could talk about those stuff with my friends, well, now they leave, far away from me geographicallyforever, i suppose....

anyway, soon i'll leave too. i just hate they left earlier than me. i hate being the one who stay last. i hate to accept the fact which became a memory, and im still here. i hate when im passing by our place while im alone without u guys. it different to say, our friendship or more than that. meanwhile, im so so grateful, i had u guys.

there is always a 'goodbye'.

 im wondering if he will speak to her again?

if u didnt chat to me, i wont feel sad.....i know u didnt mean to hurt......

just plz leave me alone...

byebye bear, i wish u the best, but i dont wish could see u again

今天又一次讨论了提前考，提前放假的事情。我感叹班里的同学实在是太勇了！！大家竟然希望在20号以前就把一切都搞定的说。。。当然，谁不想早回国呢！！随便啦，我把草稿打好，他们愿意怎样怎样吧，我就随大波儿啦！

昨天Stuart给我打了个电话。真是吓了我一跳的说。总会有些打错电话的人，有些很无赖，有些就借机跟你表白。。。所以当时我还以为又是一个wrong number呢！他呢,是为了我internship的事情，所以来了电话。呵呵。。有的时候外国人还是挺讲信用的。当时聊天聊到，后来因为promise要给他写邮件，我也不知写什么好，所以就把internship的事情又说了一遍。没想到，他真的给我hooked up上一个interview。真的是很感谢！！不过我还有个问题没有问，就是他是从谁那里知道的我的电话呢，G还是D呢？wondering。。。

已经一周了。这一周，心情起伏的了得。我承认，我不否认，我尽量去转移情绪。

'ppl dont care about u as much as u think they do‘，这句话很伤，但是我却不能get over it!因为，我觉得这个很对！不要说我消极。

2009年就要过完了，把我最近的晦气也带走吧。

 

 

如果我都不爱我自己，谁会爱？

 

 

真的是下了很大的决心。尽管，我的intention从来都没有要怎么样。总会有尴尬的时刻，尽管是极力的掩饰。

唉。。。我真是一点办法都没有。

如果是普通朋友，那就不要在叫我love了，就不要再来招惹我了。

我越来越怀念高中时候的单纯了。